I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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