My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
