I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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