I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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