I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
