I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My vagina just recognized that song.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
