I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
