i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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