That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
