She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
