They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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