I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
