They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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