Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
