According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
