After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
