i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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