She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
