is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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