when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
