How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
