So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
