We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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