How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
