Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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