I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
