I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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