I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
