I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Congratulations! We have a period
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize