I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
