dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
