Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
