We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
