After last night, I could never be a politician.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
