If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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