hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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