you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
