i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
