She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
