That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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