Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
