i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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