pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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