paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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