we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
