I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
