I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
