i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
