Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
