she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
