Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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