I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
