I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Green mimosas i think yes
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's blow job season.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
