What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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