i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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