He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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