She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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