what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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