Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
