I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
