i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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