and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I enjoy the company of your penis
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
