I don't remember. Are we still dating?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
