Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
