He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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