Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He had one of those small greek statue penises
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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