it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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