how can u be prego again
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
