I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
