Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I have fence marks all over my body
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
