I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
